i was walking on weber campus, when this girl (cindy ford--i travelled to nashville with her once through byu) stopped me. there was a huge crowd of riotous people surrounding a platform. she handed me a microphone and told me that i needed to defend kanye or they were going to lynch him. 
i climbed up on the platform (which for some reason, was now located in the old l.a. zoo ), glanced over my shoulder and saw taylor swift crying and acting very wounded.
i tried to open my mouth to begin my speech, but a harajuku girl and her very large gay friend interrupted me, yelling that i was
just a dumb mormon and i would never do a good enough job of defending their boy, kanye.cindy told them to shut it, giving them a look of death, and i was able to begin my speech. i started out a little weak, pleading with the lynching party not to end the life of someone who brought us the likes of masterpieces such as"gold digger." they seemed to calm a little at this (taylor was still being dramatic, though).
i started to gain strength, and the crowd began to love me, and by my closing line of "his famous 'imma let you finish' incident was simply kanye's expression of self...and that is what this fine country is founded on...freedom of speech, freedom of expression, freedom to be americans!!!!!!!!!!!" (i actually recall that is what i said word-for-word), they were going wild. taylor swift was slinking
away, defeated, to her limo.i stepped off the podium, when the harajuku girl's fat friend grabbed me and said that he was taking me to get married whether i like it or not. my face was right in his armpit, and i have never smelled anything worse in real life or in dreams. i managed to break free and run. suddenly, i was running through runyon canyon, up a huge hill, and he was chasing me.
then i woke up.
