i'm a woman in a predicament

lately, i've been having rather feverish (probably swine-flu-induced) dreams in which i am some sort of semi-helpless female.

in one, i was forced to be a mail-order bride. the woman who was collecting girls to ship off was looking only for non-caucasians, but i couldn't seem to convince her that i am not mexican. she'd kidnapped me from disneyland (why all the disneyland dreams lately?) and was holding me hostage at a hotel in anaheim.

in another, i wake up (just in the dream, which is in black-and-white) and find that i can't move, speak, or even open my eyes for more than a few seconds (that part of the dream has actually been recurring since i can remember). meanwhile, everyone is fleeing the country because of some sort of epidemic, and they forget me.


in the most recent, i was hester prynne and dimmesdale was one of my close friends from real life. he was acting quite the villain, and no one would believe that he'd fathered my child.

in each of these, i was just about at my breaking point, but

then i woke up.

i marry a large tongan man and then hide in the basement

i'm not sure why i'd agreed to do this in the first place, but for some reason i thought it'd be awesome to marry this HUGE tongan guy that i'd known for about a week. he was about forty, about 6'4", probably weighed 400 pounds, and was actually quite nice (when he wanted to be).

we got married in my parents' backyard. he wore a blue and gold dress and i wore a navy pants suit. afterwards we had a huge party where he danced the haka. while he was thus occupied, i realized that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. i tried to run away, but he saw me and chased me down and said we needed to consummate our marriage. i punched him the nose and hid in the basement. i called 911 and tried to explain my situation, but the dispatcher told me that i had made a decision and i had to follow through with it, sorry. my husband was coming down the basement stairs to get me, and

then i woke up.

the haunted house at disneyland is really haunted

this dream happened one night after i watched house on haunted hill.

clark and i were at disneyland at halloween time. he wanted to go to the haunted house, because he heard they'd done something extra special with it this year. once we got inside, i knew something was amiss--the usual gimmicks weren't there; instead it was far more creepy and the ghosts walking around looked real.

at some point, we got separated. i got really scared and realized that there was no one else (at least no one alive, that is) anymore in the house with us. a bearded ghost that looked like saddam hussein started chasing me around.

as i was running from saddam hussein, i tripped over something. i realized it was a detached human arm. i got up and kept going. i turned a corner and managed to lose the ghost for a minute, so i ducked into a closet. when i turned on the light, on the shelf right next to my face was clark's severed head.

then i woke up.

lucid dreams

i have lucid dreams sometimes. last night i had one about chris pine. it was fantastic. maybe i should start practicing so i can choose what i dream about more often.

http://www.howstuffworks.com/lucid-dreaming.htm

three dreams

the boost mobile commercial nightmare
i only saw this commercial once, but it gave me a nightmare.

i had a world-record winning pet pig (that didn't talk). the two talking pigs from the commercial decided that they wanted to eat him, and they chased us all over creation. i already loathe things with talking animals, so this was super traumatizing.

then i woke up.

general conference weirdness
for some reason, instead of the general authorities speaking at conference, people that i went to elementary school with gave the talks. also, there were a bunch of concession stands in the conference center (even a bar), and vendors walked up and down the aisles selling cotton candy and such. i bought myself a churro, and

then i woke up.

i kiss a gay man
this one was especially disturbing. first i was myself making out with a shirtless gay guy, and then i was a male version of me kissing the same man.

then i woke up.