the recurring organ nightmare

at least once a week, every week since i was called to play the organ in church, i have some sort of nightmare about it.

last night i dreamed i was playing the sacrament hymn naked, and the bishop had to come whisper into my ear that i was inappropriately dressed for church.

about a month ago, i opened the organ lid to play the prelude and found blood smears all over the keys (someone must have had a bloody nose or something). this prompted a nightmare in which the organ was cursed, and everyone who played it met a gruesome end. i was no exception and ended up getting impaled by a limb from the large tree outside the church that was ripped off by the wind during a storm.

i've noticed that every one of the organ dreams so far has had a commonality: each time i made a terrible fool of myself and didn't really know how to play--i just mashed random keys in hopes that it would sound like music. i was usually somewhere in the middle of this
embarrassment, and

then i woke up.

kathryn, lauren, and clark run a massive drug cartel

i don't remember all the gory deets of this one...but i remember enough to be satisfied.

i wasn't in this dream at all--it was like watching tv. kathryn, clark, and lauren deduced a brilliant plan to start a large drug trafficking business out of d.c.

to make things less conspicuous, the three drug lords decided to space their respective relocations back east. kathryn, who was the mastermind behind the operation, moved to d.c. to "find a job." six months or so later, lauren left for her "mission" to washington, where she had conveniently been called. to negate all cause for suspicion, clark hung back for almost another year after lauren left, moving to philadelphia--close enough to the action to take part, but far enough away to seem benign.

i don't remember what exactly went on, but lauren decided a great way to move their drugs would be to create a mrs. cavanaugh's-esque front, hiding their various goods inside of bon-bons and cherry cordials, and shipping them to places across the country.

clark expanded to more worldwide clients by cutting holes in the centers of used books and hiding the drugs inside. he then set up an account on half.com as a seller. it was a brilliant operation, the three criminals were raking in millions, and

then i woke up.

i give a speech on campus defending kanye west

i was walking on weber campus, when this girl (cindy ford--i travelled to nashville with her once through byu) stopped me. there was a huge crowd of riotous people surrounding a platform. she handed me a microphone and told me that i needed to defend kanye or they were going to lynch him.

i climbed up on the platform (which for some reason, was now located in the old l.a. zoo ), glanced over my shoulder and saw taylor swift crying and acting very wounded.


i tried to open my mouth to begin my speech, but a harajuku girl and her very large gay friend interrupted me, yelling that i was just a dumb mormon and i would never do a good enough job of defending their boy, kanye.

cindy told them to shut it, giving them a look of death, and i was able to begin my speech. i started out a little weak, pleading with the lynching party not to end the life of someone who brought us the likes of masterpieces such as"gold digger." they seemed to calm a little at this (taylor was still being dramatic, though).

i started to gain strength, and the crowd began to love me, and by my closing line of "his famous 'imma let you finish' incident was simply kanye's expression of self...and that is what this fine country is founded on...freedom of speech, freedom of expression, freedom to be americans!!!!!!!!!!!" (i actually recall that is what i said word-for-word), they were going wild. taylor swift was slinking away, defeated, to her limo.

i stepped off the podium, when the harajuku girl's fat friend grabbed me and said that he was taking me to get married whether i like it or not. my face was right in his armpit, and i have never smelled anything worse in real life or in dreams. i managed to break free and run. suddenly, i was running through runyon canyon, up a huge hill, and he was chasing me.

then i woke up.

i get to be on discovery health channel

this one happened a couple weeks ago. clearly it stemmed from watching too much i didn't know i was pregnant on discovery health.

i was in the basement of the joseph smith memorial building in salt lake when i started to feel really sick (i thought it was the decor--green marble everywhere--that was causing it). i went into the bathroom, and i guess i passed out, because i woke up in a hospital. two nurses brought in babies (a boy and a girl) and told me i'd just given birth to twins. i insisted this was impossible, because i wasn't even seeing anyone, let alone sleeping with someone. they assured me the kids were mine.

i decided to hire a private detective to find out who had knocked me up. he determined that it was one of my good friends, although we never found out how he did it. i attracted a lot of national attention, and discovery health asked if they could feature my unique story on i didn't know i was pregnant. we were filming the bathroom scene in the j.s. memorial building,



then i woke up.

i tour l.a. with the world's ugliest person, then meet my bff's real brothers

i started out on a boat somewhere, then ended up in a museum in los angeles with someone who is probably the ugliest person on earth. i've now figured out that the museum was the moca, because when i went outside, i could see the disney concert hall.
i don't know what happened to my unattractive friend, but all of a sudden i was talking to a homeless man (he actually was just dressed like one; he had rather fine features--dark hair and brooding eyes). he suddenly used my name and told me that he knew all about me and that he was about to disclose some information that i was never to share.

apparently, he and his brother were the real family of my friend, clark. they'd founded the drexel law school and provided clark with a scholarship to go there. they'd bought him a house, too, but he couldn't have it until he settled down. they told me that clark had been kidnapped at birth. things were starting to get juicy (and of course, i had every intention of telling clark all about his two real brothers), but

then i woke up.

the dream where i am dead, but not really

variations of this dream have been recurring for me since i can remember.

i die, but i manage to not "cross over" as they seem to be so fond of calling it on all the ghost shows now days. usually, i have an accomplice who can still see and talk to me, and i always try to find my mother to bring me back (one time she tried to buy me back from god with coupons).

in the latest version of this dream, i died in a car accident. the local librarian found me, and in doing so, became the person who could see my ghost. he went with me to my mom, who determined that there was nothing that she could do about my little problem (of being dead). she decided that i should just sort of hang out in the land of the living like i was, and told me i'd find a way to be happy somehow. the librarian and i became friends, and he found the driver of the hit-and-run that had caused my death.

then i woke up.