traumatizing

i dreamed last night that i had a very cute son.  he was about four years old, had blond hair, huge green eyes, and was just all-over adorable.

we belonged to some bizarre religion where we each took a spoonful of sodium bicarbonate (baking soda) every day.  he was allergic to it, though, so he was exempt. also, our religion required us to subdue all emotions (i was not a very good member of this cult-like church...my passionate nature couldn't be bottled).

one day some ignorant member of our sect tried to feed my son his daily dose of sodium bicarbonate. knowing he was allergic, he became very upset and started to run away.  i saw him running by and began to chase him to try and catch up.  he ran up the fire escape of a quite tall building and i had him cornered.

he was really upset, and when i went to try and hug him, he jerked away.  only he moved back too far and fell over the railing. i'm not really sure how it happened, but he went so far during his fall that he ended up across the street, crashing through the glass doors of a kohl's. sometimes i wish i didn't dream in such vivid detail--there were buckets of blood everywhere and his body was broken.

i tried to call 911, but the operator thought i was just playing a prank. i ran down and across the street, but i knew my son was dead.  some other (emotionless) members of my sect closed in around the body and pushed me to the side.  then i woke up.

first day nightmare and the winter road trip

last night i dreamed it was the first day of my new job. only my classroom wasn't jam-packed with stuff like it is in reality, it was actually empty and i didn't even have enough desks.

the students decided they hated me, because i wasn't their old teacher. they didn't like the way i did things, so they would destroy or undo everything that i put into place. if i hung a poster, they'd rip it down. they moved their desks back from the seating arrangement i'd set up, etc.

the kids themselves were little monsters. i had one who had cancer and wore a huge ariel wig to school. she thought that she didn't have to do any work because of her illness, and when i tried to get her to do anything she'd start sobbing.

this other hellion grabbed the wig of of the cancer girl's head and started dancing on top of all the desks making fun of her. meanwhile, an asian kid began to have a karate knife fight with the roly poly boy who was the leader of ripping down my posters.

i somehow managed to safely wrangle away the knife from the asian child, who started to bawl, when in walked his father. he immediately started screaming at me and accusing me of being racist. thankfully, i woke up at that point.

i don't know how i got back to sleep after that, but then i had another bizarre dream.

i was back living at santa barbara condos, where i spent most of my college time. all of my old friends were there, and we were organizing a winter road trip. i was in charge of getting the food, but when i tried several different grocery stores, they'd all run out of food except for one giant package of dums dums--the size of a garbage bag. i decided that this was the best i could do, packed it into the car, and we left for our road trip to midway.

we snowshoed to the middle of nowhere to set up camp. but when it was time for dinner and i busted out the lollipops, everyone was so mad at me they kicked me out and told me i had to snowshoe home.

i left disheartened. i had walked for quite a while, when suddenly the ground gave out from under me. i fell into an abandoned mine shaft. i was too depressed to call for help, so i just decided to die there. after about a half an hour, i heard a noise. i looked up and saw the two shining bald heads of the conley twins.

they had borrowed snowmobiles and come looking for me. they were pulling me out of the cave and then i woke up.

catch up

here are the most interesting dreams that i've had as of late:

• i was in sunday school, and the berries and cream lad was sitting next to me. by the end of the lesson, he was practically sitting on my lap and stroking my hair with all his appendages wrapped around me.
• i was in an animation in the desert. all i wanted was a swimming pool, a lake, an ocean--anything, but the withholding animator refused to draw me even a glass of water.
• angelica houston was my very mean mother.  i don't remember what i did, but my punishment was to sit on top of the roof (i'm terrified of heights) of the house for three hours.
  
• i walked into church and the bishop handed me a file folder full of colored notecards. on each notecard was written one of my sins. walking down the pew, i tripped and my sins flew all over for everyone to pick up, read, and laugh at me.
• steve martin was my father, and he bought me the cutest studio apartment for christmas--right by runyon canyon in l.a.
• i was in the waterworld show at universal studios.

jail time with g-ma

last night i dreamed that i was married to an extremely abusive h.h. holmes look-alike. one day we were driving in the middle of nowhere in a hideous jalopy of a van. he was drunk and asleep, but i went over a bump and woke him up. he proceeded to ruthlessly beat me for ruining his nap, but i managed to grab his hunting knife from the backseat and stab him, then open the passenger door and shove him out.

just as i was pushing him from the car, a cop drove the other way and saw my crime. i was arrested. my disgusting husband got to go free, and i had to serve a life sentence--in a women's reform prison in which my grandmother was the warden. horrifying.

aerosmith

i dreamed last night that steven tyler asked me to stand in for him at a las vegas concert so he could go play the slots. i was a little worried at first, but before long i managed to have the crowd fooled and wooed with my rousing rendition of dude looks like a lady.

cartoons and midgets

i loved this dream (until i got kinky with bart, that is). my friend abbey (pictured below) and i were magically transformed into cartoon land. we lived with the simpsons. it was fantastic until bart tried to get jiggy with me. thankfully i woke up before anything too traumatic happened.

i do not even know where this second dream came from. i was on a date with a guy that i liked and we were in the home section of j.c. penney. i was super confused, because he kept trying to ditch me, but then i caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and realized that i was a midget. i decided that it was not acceptable for him to behave this way, and i began to chase him all over the store. finally he found the men's room and locked himself in.

then i woke up.