jail time with g-ma

last night i dreamed that i was married to an extremely abusive h.h. holmes look-alike. one day we were driving in the middle of nowhere in a hideous jalopy of a van. he was drunk and asleep, but i went over a bump and woke him up. he proceeded to ruthlessly beat me for ruining his nap, but i managed to grab his hunting knife from the backseat and stab him, then open the passenger door and shove him out.

just as i was pushing him from the car, a cop drove the other way and saw my crime. i was arrested. my disgusting husband got to go free, and i had to serve a life sentence--in a women's reform prison in which my grandmother was the warden. horrifying.

aerosmith

i dreamed last night that steven tyler asked me to stand in for him at a las vegas concert so he could go play the slots. i was a little worried at first, but before long i managed to have the crowd fooled and wooed with my rousing rendition of dude looks like a lady.

cartoons and midgets

i loved this dream (until i got kinky with bart, that is). my friend abbey (pictured below) and i were magically transformed into cartoon land. we lived with the simpsons. it was fantastic until bart tried to get jiggy with me. thankfully i woke up before anything too traumatic happened.

i do not even know where this second dream came from. i was on a date with a guy that i liked and we were in the home section of j.c. penney. i was super confused, because he kept trying to ditch me, but then i caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and realized that i was a midget. i decided that it was not acceptable for him to behave this way, and i began to chase him all over the store. finally he found the men's room and locked himself in.

then i woke up.

haunted by samuel clemens

in all my dreams last night, i was doing normal things---cooking dinner, copying things at work, watching tv, etc---when suddenly mark twain would just run past.

dahmer+auschwitz=can you think of anything more horrifying?

after a riveting discussion about serial killers the other night (which i knew undoubtedly would give me nightmares), i had a horrific dream that i was in a concentration camp run by jeffrey dahmer. i was going to put a picture of him with this post, but i couldn't bear the thought of having his image on my blog.

weird

i have not been sleeping very much or well lately. when i have slept, my dreams have been bizarre little snippets that i'm stuck in until i wake up, instead of dynamic stories like usual. here are a few that i remember most vividly:


i suddenly find myself in a vat of shark fetuses. luckily, there is a tree growing out of the middle of the tank, so i manage to climb up out of the muck. the odd thing is that i don't recall ever seeing a shark fetus before, but when i looked up this picture, it was exactly like the ones in my dream.
eight friends and i decide to buy up burial plots arranged in a square. then as each of us die, we see if we can get tic-tac-toe, three in a row.
i'm at a consignment shop and find some things that i desperately love and want to purchase. however, when i go to the register, i am informed that i have to trade them for my eggs, because the shop owner wants to freeze them in case of the 2012 apocalypse.

danny boy and christina's world

i was christina and i was stuck in this painting.

danny boy was playing over and over and over and over and over and over i couldn't go anywhere, because i was crippled. i thought i was going to go mad, but

then i woke up.