a modern day van helsing

in the past couple of weeks i've had some crazy dreams, but i've been too busy to record them. i'm kind of sad, because i'm sure a few of them were quite fascinating--i just can't remember them now.

last night's, i do remember, however. i moved to this cute little town somewhere on the east coast. it was fall and it was beautiful. everyone in the neighborhood was charming and nice. however, somehow we got infiltrated by something weird. one-by-one people started changing into vampires, zombies, werewolves, etc.

it got to the point that i was the only real human left, and the town had a meeting to decide what to do about it. everyone liked me a lot and wanted me to stay in the town, so they ended up ruling that i should choose something to be changed into, that way i'd fit in a little better (and so everyone wouldn't keep accidentally almost killing me).

i decided to become a vampire, but i was really nervous. i chose the nicest, most gentle vampire in the town to bite me, because i knew she would make it easier. and it actually wasn't so bad.

later one day while i was shopping, i turned my back to go into a banana republic and a silver bullet went right past my ear. i turned around to see who'd shot it, and this johnny depp look-alike stood across the street from me with a smoking gun.

to make a long story short, this van helsing wannabe terrorized the town for a while, trying to kill all of us, until we captured him. just like they did for me, a town meeting was held to decide what to do with him.

in the end, it was agreed that he should be handed over to me, and i got to turn him into a vampire.

i think i'm going to be ill

i was at this crappy, worn-down gym with two of my close guy friends. i looked over and all of a sudden, they were macking on each other. after commenting on how loud and disgusting of kissers they were, i mentioned that the one probably shouldn't be doing that, because he is married. he told me that it didn't count, because a) they're both guys, so it wasn't like he was actually cheating on his wife and b) they are just friends.

i don't know what my subconscious is trying to tell me, but i don't think i like it.

killer buffalo

last night i had many dreams. i was in the vampire diaries, i was at a high school reunion, i was at work--just pretty standard boring stuff. but then i dreamed that i was on an african safari with my friend ellen. all of a sudden our driver exclaimed that we were driving past a new species that he'd never seen before. it appeared to be a cross between a water buffalo and a cougar.

upon hearing the tour guide's voice, the cougalo jumped up and ran at our tram. i was on the edge and it approached me. everyone thought it was really cute. it started licking me, but then it started biting me. i began to scream, but no one believed that it was hurting me--they said it was just playing. then i looked into its red eyes and saw a look of pure hatred. i knew something bad was going to happen. it opened it's jaws wide and began to rip out my throat. thankfully, then i woke up.

i told my mom about it, and she said that my sister had also had a killer buffalo dream last night. creepy.

i don't want to talk about it

i had a nightmare so realistic last night, that jarred me so much, i don't even want to record it. i'm sure i won't ever forget it, though.

traumatizing

i dreamed last night that i had a very cute son.  he was about four years old, had blond hair, huge green eyes, and was just all-over adorable.

we belonged to some bizarre religion where we each took a spoonful of sodium bicarbonate (baking soda) every day.  he was allergic to it, though, so he was exempt. also, our religion required us to subdue all emotions (i was not a very good member of this cult-like church...my passionate nature couldn't be bottled).

one day some ignorant member of our sect tried to feed my son his daily dose of sodium bicarbonate. knowing he was allergic, he became very upset and started to run away.  i saw him running by and began to chase him to try and catch up.  he ran up the fire escape of a quite tall building and i had him cornered.

he was really upset, and when i went to try and hug him, he jerked away.  only he moved back too far and fell over the railing. i'm not really sure how it happened, but he went so far during his fall that he ended up across the street, crashing through the glass doors of a kohl's. sometimes i wish i didn't dream in such vivid detail--there were buckets of blood everywhere and his body was broken.

i tried to call 911, but the operator thought i was just playing a prank. i ran down and across the street, but i knew my son was dead.  some other (emotionless) members of my sect closed in around the body and pushed me to the side.  then i woke up.

first day nightmare and the winter road trip

last night i dreamed it was the first day of my new job. only my classroom wasn't jam-packed with stuff like it is in reality, it was actually empty and i didn't even have enough desks.

the students decided they hated me, because i wasn't their old teacher. they didn't like the way i did things, so they would destroy or undo everything that i put into place. if i hung a poster, they'd rip it down. they moved their desks back from the seating arrangement i'd set up, etc.

the kids themselves were little monsters. i had one who had cancer and wore a huge ariel wig to school. she thought that she didn't have to do any work because of her illness, and when i tried to get her to do anything she'd start sobbing.

this other hellion grabbed the wig of of the cancer girl's head and started dancing on top of all the desks making fun of her. meanwhile, an asian kid began to have a karate knife fight with the roly poly boy who was the leader of ripping down my posters.

i somehow managed to safely wrangle away the knife from the asian child, who started to bawl, when in walked his father. he immediately started screaming at me and accusing me of being racist. thankfully, i woke up at that point.

i don't know how i got back to sleep after that, but then i had another bizarre dream.

i was back living at santa barbara condos, where i spent most of my college time. all of my old friends were there, and we were organizing a winter road trip. i was in charge of getting the food, but when i tried several different grocery stores, they'd all run out of food except for one giant package of dums dums--the size of a garbage bag. i decided that this was the best i could do, packed it into the car, and we left for our road trip to midway.

we snowshoed to the middle of nowhere to set up camp. but when it was time for dinner and i busted out the lollipops, everyone was so mad at me they kicked me out and told me i had to snowshoe home.

i left disheartened. i had walked for quite a while, when suddenly the ground gave out from under me. i fell into an abandoned mine shaft. i was too depressed to call for help, so i just decided to die there. after about a half an hour, i heard a noise. i looked up and saw the two shining bald heads of the conley twins.

they had borrowed snowmobiles and come looking for me. they were pulling me out of the cave and then i woke up.

catch up

here are the most interesting dreams that i've had as of late:

• i was in sunday school, and the berries and cream lad was sitting next to me. by the end of the lesson, he was practically sitting on my lap and stroking my hair with all his appendages wrapped around me.
• i was in an animation in the desert. all i wanted was a swimming pool, a lake, an ocean--anything, but the withholding animator refused to draw me even a glass of water.
• angelica houston was my very mean mother.  i don't remember what i did, but my punishment was to sit on top of the roof (i'm terrified of heights) of the house for three hours.
  
• i walked into church and the bishop handed me a file folder full of colored notecards. on each notecard was written one of my sins. walking down the pew, i tripped and my sins flew all over for everyone to pick up, read, and laugh at me.
• steve martin was my father, and he bought me the cutest studio apartment for christmas--right by runyon canyon in l.a.
• i was in the waterworld show at universal studios.